Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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