Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Semen is not good for contacts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
