Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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