i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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