capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
