halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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