Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
