We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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