just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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