you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
