The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
