I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
why is half of my head shaved?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
