Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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