So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
