Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
