im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
