She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
