Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
