i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
