I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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