it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
