I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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