after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
