Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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