There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Too much gin, very little bucket
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did i walk over a car last night?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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