We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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