I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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