Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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