I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You may now shotgun with the bride
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
