The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
