just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
