i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
