we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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