he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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