Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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