I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
a search helicopter?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
