I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
