I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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