just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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