I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
