I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
