I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
