my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
