I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
