your room smells of hookers.
And success
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
