what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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