Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize