Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
