i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize