I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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