CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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