As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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