I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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