I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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