o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
