HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
