My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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