He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
