if i can run in heels then i can drive
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
