Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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