We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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