I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
