Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
