fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
