can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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