all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
