i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
