I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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