Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
