Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize