You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
