Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't deserve a penis
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
